where's my salt when I need it?

Tonight I experienced something new. That something new is Pepper Spray. My roommate and besty Betty thought it was a good idea to "test out" her pepper spray on our porch. This resulted in predictable waftage, followed by a coughing and vomiting attack complete with violet snot. Rapists? You had it coming. Nevertheless, as I sit here breathing in the embers of attempted assault, I still have found the time to both enjoy Man Man's takeaway show and google the word "pepper". Clearly. Now excuse me as I continue to vomit up our precautions.